Manual An Inch From Murder: My Life as a Male Victim of Sexual Child Abuse

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A few weeks before his graduation, one of his teachers observed Dahmer sitting close to the school parking lot, drinking several cans of beer. Shortly after this incident, Joyce was awarded custody of her younger son and vacated the family residence, moving in with family members of hers; Dahmer, having just turned 18, was legally an adult and therefore not subject to court custodial considerations. Dahmer committed his first murder in the summer of at the age of 18, just three weeks after his graduation.

At the time, he was living alone in the family home. Owing to his recent divorce from Dahmer's mother, Dahmer's father temporarily lived in a nearby motel and his mother had relocated to Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin , [41] with his younger brother David. On June 18, [42] Dahmer picked up a hitchhiker named Steven Mark Hicks who was four days shy of his 19th birthday.

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Hicks, who had been hitchhiking to a rock concert in Lockwood Corners, [45] agreed to accompany Dahmer to his house. According to Dahmer, after several hours' drinking and listening to music, Hicks "wanted to leave and [I] didn't want him to.

The solace of revenge: how I plotted to murder my childhood abuser

Dahmer later stated he struck Hicks twice from behind [47] with the dumbbell as Hicks sat upon a chair. When Hicks fell unconscious, Dahmer strangled him to death with the bar of the dumbbell, then stripped the clothes from Hicks' body before masturbating as he stood above the corpse. The only course Dahmer was successful at was Riflery, having received a B- grade. His overall GPA was 0. Despite his father having paid in advance for the second term, Dahmer dropped out of university after just three months.

In January , [56] on his father's urging, Dahmer enlisted in the U. On March 24, , Dahmer was sent to Fort Jackson , South Carolina, for debriefing and provided with a plane ticket to travel anywhere in the country. Dahmer later told police he felt he could not return home to face his father, so he opted to travel to Miami Beach, Florida , both because he was "tired of the cold" [65] and in an attempt to live by his own means. In Florida, Dahmer found employment at a delicatessen and rented a room in a nearby motel. Dahmer spent most of his salary on alcohol, and was soon evicted from the motel for non-payment.

He initially spent his evenings on the beach as he continued to work at the sandwich shop until phoning his father and asking to return to Ohio in September of the same year.

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After his return to Ohio, Dahmer initially resided with his father and stepmother and insisted on being delegated numerous chores to occupy his time while he looked for work. In December , Dahmer's father and stepmother sent him to live with his grandmother in West Allis , Wisconsin. Dahmer's grandmother was the only family member to whom he displayed any affection; [69] they hoped that her influence, plus the change of scenery, might inspire Dahmer to refrain from alcohol, find a job, and live responsibly.

He held this job for a total of 10 months before being laid off. Shortly before losing his job, Dahmer was arrested for indecent exposure. On August 7, , at Wisconsin State Fair Park , Dahmer was observed to expose himself to a crowd of 25 women and children. Shortly after Dahmer found this employment, an incident occurred in which he was propositioned by another man while sitting reading in the West Allis Public Library.

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The stranger threw Dahmer a note offering to perform fellatio upon him. Although Dahmer did not respond to this proposition, [75] the incident stirred in his mind the fantasies of control and dominance he had developed as a teenager, and he began to familiarize himself with Milwaukee's gay bars , bookstores and gay bathhouses. He is also known to have stolen a male mannequin from a store, [76] which he briefly used for sexual stimulation, until his grandmother discovered the item stowed in a closet and demanded that he discard it.

By late , he had begun to regularly frequent the bathhouses, which he later described as being "relaxing places", [78] but during his sexual encounters, he became frustrated at his partners' moving during the sexual act. Following his arrest, he stated: "I trained myself to view people as objects of pleasure instead of [as] people". After approximately 12 such instances, the bathhouses' administration revoked Dahmer's membership, and he began to use hotel rooms to continue this practice.

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In August , [83] Dahmer was arrested for masturbating in front of two year-old boys as he stood close to the Kinnickinnic River. The charge was changed to disorderly conduct and, on March 10, , Dahmer was sentenced to one year of probation , with additional instructions he was to undergo counseling.

On November 20, , Dahmer—at the time residing with his grandmother in West Allis, Wisconsin—encountered a year-old man from Ontonagon, Michigan named Steven Tuomi at a bar and persuaded him to return to the Ambassador Hotel in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, where Dahmer had rented a room for the evening. According to Dahmer, he had no intention of murdering Tuomi, but rather intended to drug and rape him as he lay unconscious.

The following morning, however, he awoke to find Tuomi lying beneath him on the bed, his chest "crushed in" and "black and blue" with bruises. Blood was also seeping from the corner of his mouth, and Dahmer's fists and one forearm were extensively bruised. Dahmer stated he had no memory of having killed Tuomi, [84] [85] [87] and later informed investigators that he "could not believe this had happened. There, one week later, [88] he severed the head, arms, and legs from the torso, [85] then filleted the bones from the body before cutting the flesh into pieces small enough to handle.

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He then placed the flesh inside plastic garbage bags. The entire dismemberment process took Dahmer approximately two hours to complete, and he disposed of all of Tuomi's remains—excluding the severed head [89] —in the trash. For a total of two weeks following Tuomi's murder, Dahmer retained the victim's head wrapped in a blanket. After two weeks, Dahmer boiled the head in a mixture of Soilex an alkali -based industrial detergent and bleach in an effort to retain the skull, which he then used as stimulus for masturbation. Eventually, the skull was rendered too brittle by this bleaching process, so Dahmer pulverized and disposed of it.

Following the murder of Tuomi, Dahmer began to actively seek victims, most of whom he encountered in or close to gay bars, and whom he typically lured to his grandmother's home. There, he drugged them before or shortly after engaging in sexual activity with them. Once he had rendered the victim unconscious with sleeping pills, he killed them by strangulation. At Dahmer's West Allis residence, the pair engaged in sexual activity before Dahmer drugged Doxtator and strangled him on the floor of the cellar.

He placed all of Doxtator's remains excluding the skull in the trash. He boiled the skull, and initially retained it before pulverizing it. On April 23, Dahmer lured another young man to his house; however, after giving the victim a drugged coffee, both he and the victim heard Dahmer's grandmother call, "Is that you, Jeff?

Because of this, Dahmer opted not to kill this particular victim, instead waiting until he had become unconscious before taking him to the County General Hospital. In September , Dahmer's grandmother asked him to move out of her house because of his habit of bringing young men to her house late at night and the foul smells emanating from both the basement and the garage.

Dahmer found a one-bedroom apartment on North 25th Street and moved into his new residence on September Two months after his conviction and two months prior to his sentencing for the sexual assault, Dahmer murdered his fifth victim. He was a mixed-race year-old aspiring model named Anthony Sears, whom Dahmer met at a gay bar on March 25, According to Dahmer, on this particular occasion, he was not looking to commit a crime; however, shortly before closing time that evening, Sears "just started talking to me".

Dahmer lured Sears to his grandmother's home, where the pair engaged in oral sex before Dahmer drugged and strangled Sears. The following morning, Dahmer placed the corpse in his grandmother's bathtub, where he decapitated the body before attempting to flay the corpse.

According to Dahmer, he found Sears "exceptionally attractive", and Sears was the first victim from whom he permanently retained any body parts: he preserved Sears' head and genitalia in acetone [] and stored them in his work locker. When he moved to a new address the following year, he took the remains there. On May 23, , [] Dahmer was sentenced to five years' probation and one year in the House of Correction, with work release permitted in order that he be able to keep his job; he was also required to register as a sex offender.

Two months before his scheduled release from the work camp, Dahmer was paroled from this regime. His five years' probation imposed in began at this point. On May 14, , Dahmer moved out of his grandmother's house and into North 25th Street, Apartment , taking Anthony Sears' mummified head and genitals with him. The following day, Dahmer purchased a Polaroid camera with which he took several pictures of Smith's body in suggestive positions before dismembering him in the bathroom.

He boiled the legs, arms, and pelvis in a steel kettle with Soilex, which allowed him to then rinse the bones in his sink; [] he dissolved the remainder of Smith's skeleton—excluding the skull—in a container filled with acid. Dahmer later spray-painted Smith's skull, which he placed alongside the skull of Anthony Sears upon a black towel inside a metal filing-cabinet. Approximately one week after the murder of Raymond Smith, on or about May 27, Dahmer lured another young man to his apartment.

On this occasion, however, Dahmer himself accidentally consumed the drink laden with sedatives intended for consumption by his guest. In June , Dahmer lured a year-old acquaintance named Edward Smith to his apartment. He drugged and strangled Smith. On this occasion, rather than immediately acidifying the skeleton or repeating previous processes of bleaching which had rendered previous victims' skulls brittle , Dahmer placed Smith's skeleton in his freezer for several months in the hope it would not retain moisture.

Freezing the skeleton did not remove moisture, and the skeleton of this victim would be acidified several months later.